The Joy of The Lord is My Strength.

This picture. Is what I call glory. In the presence of God, you find the fullness of joy!

Lately, God has really be revealing some things to me that I never knew. Or even thought about. And it hasn't been until recently that God has really been pointing it out to me. Showing me where He was teaching me and why it's so important.

I understand that most of the things He has been showing me are things that really truly apply to everyone. But seem to be personal to me. Like He was saying, "This is specifically for you Kassy. Pay attention."

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Literally, it is in God's joy that I get my strength. And through that joy people are set free. A friend of mine recently prophesied over me, saying that it was through my joy that darkness was pulled out of people. Which to me is pretty crazy awesome. Joy breaks chains. Laughter is powerful. And many Christians don't realize that. Most think that the only true form of feeling God's presence is through tears and sadness. Which is very much untrue. God created joy. He IS Joy! Why else would when we get free of something holding us back, we get happy? It's because there is joy in freedom. And where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Which means there is joy in the Spirit. The fruits of the Spirit are love, JOY, peace, righteousness, longsuffering [aka patience], etc. We are meant to bear fruit. And we know which fruits we are bearing by what they are. If we are joyful, then we are bearing fruits of the Spirit. Which even right now is ministering to me. Because I have a tendency to doubt my own faith. Not that I doubt God. But that I doubt myself. But through being joyful I have been working in the Spirit of God. And even if I am not worshipping, I am joyful. And people see that difference. And wonder why I am always so happy. And then want that joy for themselves. Which causes freedom. And salvation. So powerful joy is. That is one of the biggest things about me is how joyful I am. And God has really been wanting me to manifest that joy, and the enemy has been trying to take that joy away. Thankfully; greater is He who is in me then he who is in the world!!!!

Something that people have told me a lot also is that I shine. Which is something that may sound insignificant. But Moses shined when he was in the presence of God. Which again, is even showing me stuff right now. That when I am joyful, I shine. When I love, I shine. Because I am in the presence of God. Wow. That's amazing.

Pretty much, God has been showing me how I have been bearing the fruits of the Spirit and where the enemy is trying to take that away from me. But I will not settle for less then Jesus. And being just like Him. Because it is through Him, my life was changed, and saved. I am so joyful. God is so good to me. I wish everyone knew this. I wish everyone could see the love that God has for them.

I am just so very IN LOVE with God. He has changed me.

God Bless.

Personal Breakthrough.

So, if none of you know this.

I am fat.

Yes. I said it. Fat. The big "F" word that no girl ever wants to hear.

Recently, I have decided that I no longer want to be fat anymore. So....I have decided.

I am giving up my food addiction. And an eating disorder that I have been struggling with my entire life. You don't often see the word "fat" included when you talk about eating disorders. But mine is very different then the obvious ones. It is what you call "closet eating." Where you won't eat a lot around people. But then when you are alone, you eat....a ton. That is something I have struggle with for...ever. And, with that, an addiction to food. What can I say? I love food. It's good stuff. But not when you can't control the amount you eat. Especially when it got to the point where I would eat a lot of food, and be completely full, then like an hour later I would be starving.

I don't want anything like that be in control of me. No substance should ever have control over me. EVER! Food, was like a drug. But not anymore. I am done with it. I give it up. That is not me anymore.

I am strong and powerful. And through God all things are possible. So, it is possible for me to be skinny. And I will be skinny no matter what. Because, the Bible says to love God with your mind, soul, BODY and strength. And if I want to love God with my body, I have to take care of it. So this is me, telling all of you who are reading this, that I GIVE IT UP!

God, it is completely up to you when it comes to all....this. Haha.

I claim it over me, that I will be healthy and skinny!

:]

Just wanted to share that with you.

God Bless.

ATTENTION!

GOD IS GOOD!

That is all.

God Bless.

It's All About Love

As a christian, I am asked often what I think about homosexuality and do you know what I tell them?

I love them.

I think a lot of Christians fall short when it comes to loving people. Which almost seems like an oxymoron. Since we were given 2 main commandments. To love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul & strength. And to love your neighbor as yourself.

Not, love only the people you like. Being in ministry, that completely defeats the purpose.

So, I may not agree with the homosexual lifestyle or accept it. That does not mean that I do not love them all the same. They are human. They need love too.

The Bible also says to love your enemies. Which means, love muslims and murderers and all that. I know, that almost seems impossible, right? But it's the truth.

God is SO good! His heart is so pure. His soul is inescapably vast and amazing.

I can't explain to you how good He is.

So there we are. Love. It's all about love. That's all it's ever been about. Keeping it simple. Straight and to the point.

So. Just love.

God Bless.

Beauty Is All Around.

This picture is beautiful. By the way. I saw this and thought. Wow. That is just amazing. It's been a while since I have really taken in the artistic value and beauty of what God has created for our pleasure.

Take this sunset for example. It is incredibly beautiful. God created that, and all of creation, for us to marvel over. I mean, come on...the ocean alone is amazing. Not to mention the many amazing rain forests. And the beauty that the sun creates when it falls below the horizon. That doesn't just happen.

God paints us a picture every single night. And every single morning. And you know what's amazing? Is that is a way that creation worships God. Because the Word says that all creation worships God. That if we didn't worship God, the rocks would cry out. It's pretty spectacular.

I have been spending too much time focusing on my problems and putting myself first, that I forgot how good it feels to just give myself over to God. But when we had our worship session and Tiff's on New Years, I remembered. And realized. That there needs to be some realigning of my spirit. And I feel so good.

No more drama. No more feeding into drama. No more letting my emotions get the best of me.

My heart is melting in peace right now. And love. I can't even tell you how much I love God. I forgot. I kept forgetting.

It's so good to remember.

God is good. So worthy of my praise. So beautiful. Exemplifies beauty. Is far greater then I could ever imagine. How could I not love Him?

Well, that is all. I am done with my love rant. Well, not really but there is not enough time in the world to write down all that I feel for God.

Have a good night.

God Bless.

A New Year!

It's 2011. And everyone asks.

"What's your new years resolution?"

Mine.

Is to worship God with every single fiber of my being. No holding back.

Last night was SO amazing. Redefining New Years Parties.

A bunch of my friends went to another of our friends', Jed, house and hung out. Had a drum circle. And then went and had a bonfire in the freezing cold wind. And as much as it was ridiculously cold. It was so much fun.

Then, because his parents were asleep. We ended up at another friends, Tiffany's, apartment. And we worshiped and prophesied over each other. It was AMAZING!

SO many good words. I can't even explain.

It was SO amazing that I didn't end up home until 4:30am. AND I had to wake up at 9:30am to go to work. Haha!

Keep singing. Keep writing. A song that could cause a nation change.

A word that Kevin gave me. Because I have stopped really writing songs. I haven't really even started. I don't know why. But it was pretty amazing.

And Micah, one of the 2 new guys I met who didn't know me very well, gave me a word. Telling me that I was amazing and that I shine bright.

I know, to some they may seem very miniscule or unimportant. But to me, they were spot on. To many things. It's crazy how God is like that.

K.I.S.S.

Keep it simple....silly. I love simple words. Because they are always straight forward and to the point. Telling you exactly what you need to hear at the exact moment in time.

Worship. My lifestyle.

I want to just lose myself in the presence of God every time I worship.

Completely giving everything of myself to Him.

That is my New Years resolution.

What's yours?

God Bless.

The Future?

As a girl.

I dream.

I dream about my future so very often.

The other day I was with my mom and little sister, shopping at Safeway, when I saw a BRIDES magazine. [Mind you; I don't even have a boyfriend.] But I just love weddings. I think they are so beautiful. So I got myself to thinking even more about what I would want at my wedding.

An outdoor wedding would be lovely. But instead as a gazibo, as is shown in this picture, I would like a big, wooden cross behind me and my future husband.

Speaking of my future hubby. I cannot wait until God brings him to me. I have waited for so long. And I will continue waiting for him. Until Papa says it's time.

Then, I will be able to start my family.

Which is something I have always wanted.

Am I rambling?

Love.

Am I just being so girly right now? Haha.

Okay. Back on track.

I would love my colors to be Purple and Green.

Because purple is my favorite color.

Apparently purple is usually associated with nobility and spirituality.

That's pretty cool.

Green symbolizes growth, harmony, freshness and fertility.

That is something I did not know. But those are both very beautiful colors and amazing combinations.

My wedding dress.

Idealy, I would like to design my own dress.

But, if that can not happen. I would love a dress by the designer Maggie Sottero. She is kind of amazing.

I am seriously rambling right?

Going from one thing to another. Doesn't really give much of an idea of what I would want, right?

I am so weird.

But I am SO okay with that.

Maybe I should be a wedding designer?

Maybe not?

Just as long as me and my beloved are together, it almost really doesn't matter what my wedding is like.

Just to know that he will be by my side.

For the rest of my life.

Would be enough for me.

And that would make me happy...

But there is always one more part of the recipe.

This part, happens to be the most important part.

The Holy Spirit.

God is the center.

Always.

And in my future. He will be the center.

My husband and I...

Prayer warriors. Always in the presence of God. Because God is the most important part of every recipe. So very beautiful He is. So very perfect.

My future.

I don't know what it's going to be like.

But it will be forever.

Like a ring. It's circular. Everlasting.

Beautiful.

I am so blessed and so very loved.

God, I thank you for my dreams. And the love you have for me. Lord, I pray for my future husband. Papa, bless him. Teach him. Hold him in the storms he faces. Papa speak beautiful words to him. Cleanse him. Romance him. And show him your amazing glory. Papa, let him drown in your glory and presence. You are so amazing. I love you. Amen.

God Bless.

Breaking Points & Letting God Take Control

Today.

It's been rough.

Yesterday.

More so.

I have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately and I didn't really know what to do. I felt so out of control. Overwhelmed. At a breaking point. I just wanted to roll into a ball and cry. Yesterday a thought that crossed my head was how easy death would be compaired to life. Not that I would ever commit suicide. But the only thing I thought was, how I would much rather be in Heaven right now then be on Earth.

Then, while I was writing this update. I was going to just go on and on about how I can't handle life right now. And that living at my parents house is stretching me thin.

But then I realized...I just need to give everything to Papa. I just need to hand over all of my problems to God. Because He is in complete control. My life is in His hand. The King of Kings loves me. And I love Him! I need to just put all of my trust in Him.

If I just cling to the cross.

I know that everything will be fine. That while I may feel like I am stumbling in the dark. That Jesus is my guiding light. That if I just look upon Him, I will get through it. This is just a sea. A stormy sea, that Jesus will calm. I am inviting Him in. Onto the boat so He may calm the storm.

Just writing this down. I feel so much better.

God is in control. He is all over this problem.

And I totally know He will calm this.

I am so blessed to be loved by the God of the universe.

God Bless.

It's Been A While

Name: Kassy
Age: 21
Subject: Update

So, it's been a while since I have written anything on here. In fact I should have read my last blog to see how long it really has been. But I am just going to do a little updating.

I live at home. I have my own room now. I am MOD at my work. And I now am in possession of a laptop computer.

Is that good enough?

Well. I don't really know what else to say. I have kind of been a little more then a little stressed out lately. I work, constantly. And I have to deal with my family. And as much as I love both, it can get pretty stressful.

Work. Well, work is work. I do my job. I have to listen to drama. And I do it well. I try my hardest, however useless it seems. But I love my job. It's fun. I like...most...of the people I work with. And the rest, I deal with. I try to be as nice as possible. But sometimes...it's a little overwhelming and I feel like exploding. It's not even just my coworkers. Sometimes, having more responsibilities at work can be exhausting. Especially when it comes to dealing with customers. Complaints, obsessive projects, and wrong locations of sale signs. All turn into a big ordeal of why can't I have this sale, and if you don't give me it, I won't return. No, no one has ever actually told me that to my face, but I am sure that they think it.

Family. Well. They are...family. It's hard to deal with them sometimes. Well, ok. Mostly just my little sister and brother. My parents...are easy enough. It's just...I don't know. A lot to handle. Always feeling like I'm not good enough and if I act like myself, they will tear me to pieces. And when I say myself, I mean myself. As in my kingdom citizen self. As in my Jesus Loving Heart....self. But I deal. Or I do as good as I can.

Is life tough? Oh yeah. But I try my hardest. I haven't really been spending as much time with God as I usually do, and I think that is partly because...I am afraid. Getting too close. I don't really know. Once I get close, I back away. Is that normal?

I don't really know.

Eh. It's ok. Life will get better....I hope.

I have faith that it will.

Well, TA TA for now!

Kass

Honesty.

Name: Kassy
Age: 21
Subject: Honesty.

Honesty, is honestly really hard to come by these days. You can say you are being honest, but most of the time you like to sugar coat the truth just to make sure you don't hurt someone. Not saying you should come right out and hurt someones feelings by being harsh and insensitive, but seriously. Just think about it.

I have this friend. And she is pretty flippin awesome. Her name is Ashley. And me and her are ridiculously honest with each other. Like, straight up. If I say something she doesn't like, she will tell me. If I say something she doesn't like, she will tell me. We are super honest with each other. And I guess I got so used to me and her being like that, however it stopped for a while but at first it was that way, that when people aren't being straight forward...it kind of irritates me.

I have another friend. Who, for some reason wasn't being completely honest. Or just didn't want to say how he felt. To another friend. We were all asked to be somewhere and then we found out that we weren't there for what we thought we were. And well, this friend...you could tell...pretty much thought that it was a waste of time. Or that he had come for no reason. Which we did, but that isn't the point. He almost said it, but then backed down, left the room, and kind of brought it up with someone else. Not the person he had originally been talking to.

And that infuriated me. I was like, " HEY! Why don't you just say what you really think?" I kind of guess I don't understand. I suppose that there are times and places for the kind of straight forward honesty I am talking about, but to not say how you feel altogether? I don't know. I think I might care about this person too much. It's not really any of my business at all either. I guess I just wish that they would say what they think and feel.

Is that just a guy thing? Is this thing that I am going through just a girl thing? I don't really know. And I don't really know how I feel about it. I think I should just stop caring. Perhaps?

I think I just care about this person too much. How he feels, and what he thinks. Too darn much. Just thought I should vent a little. It helps. For reals.

I just wish people would say what they really feel and think without skating around the straight forward truth. It gets too confusing. Well, yeah. I'm done talking.

God Bless.

A New Chapter.

Name: Kassy.
Age: 21.
Subject: New Days.

I have officially moved into my moms house. After hours and hours of packing...and mostly cleaning....I am done and now living with my mom.

INSANE!

Oh, and when I say cleaning....I mean.....CLEANING! Insane, ridiculously INSANE cleaning. DEEP cleaning. SUPER deep cleaning. Goodness. Literally spent hours upon hours of cleaning. I did more cleaning then packing.

But I had so MUCH stuff. I gave away almost all of my furniture due to lack of space and not wanting to pay $85 for my cruddy furniture to be kept in storage...totally NOT worth it.

I am TIRED! But blessed. I love my Papa SO much.

But for now, I am done talking. I want to chill with the fam. I, hopefully, will be writing more. But for now....

God Bless.

Another Year.

Name: Kassy
Age: 21
Topic: Rejection.

So, all of you know...I applied at BSSM. Unfortunately I was...

DENIED

And you know. It's ok. I found out a while ago...but I just got to writing a new blog. At first I was hurt. Because my heart was set on going. But sometimes...God's plans just....overrule....yours. And I am okay with that.

So here I am. Another year in Astoria...or really....I guess I should put more updates...

I am moving out of my apartment still. Why you may ask? Because I can't afford my rent anymore. It has become too expensive. So...I am moving in with my mom. Whoopie!

Well, truly I am excited. Because I am blessed to have a family that will bring me in and let me save money for when I get to move out again...which may not be for another year. And I get to decorate a room! Which is exciting. Because it's going to look amazing! I am super psyched.

So, another year in my home town. Am I excited? Sure. Because apparently God wants me here still for some reason. Why? I honestly don't know. For reals. SO I am pretty much flying by the seat of my pants.

I was going to go on a tangent about rejection and how I feel rejected and ignored a lot...but then I realized that I would be pretty much just throwing myself a pity party. I do however want to talk about what I have been feeling lately...if you can handle it.

Lately...I feel like my emotions have been out of control. Like...crazy out of control. I have been oversensitive...and....excuse my french...super duper pissed off....A LOT! Especially today. I don't know why. Or how. Or even when. It's just like....I have been so upset lately. I don't know if it's because I feel ignored. Or not wanted around. Or what. But I have just been super upset. I don't know why. And really....that's mostly it.

I am done.

God Bless.

You Were Born For Such A Time As This.

Name: Kassy
Age: TWENTY-ONE!
Topic: Our Purpose.

So yeah. As of May 27th, I am now 21 years old. Not a really big thing really. Just another birthday. But still. I had a birthday. And it kind of feels weird to be "legal." Haha. I just decided that I wanted to ramble a little about my birthday. It wasn't huge. I didn't do a lot. But still, it was my birthday. Haha.

Back on topic. We were all born for a purpose. That's right. You weren't just an accident, you weren't a mistake. Well, okay, so maybe you were an accident. But you were an accident for a reason. I was an accident. But it doesn't mean I don't have a purpose. It doesn't mean that my purpose has changed just because I was born out of wedlock in an unexpected manner. As actually, most of us are. But yes my dear readers. We were all born for a purpose.

I have really been loving the song, "The Anthem" by Jake Hamilton. There is this one line that just gets me every single time. "I am royalty. I have destiny. I have been set free. I'm gonna shape history!" Yes yes. I am going Christian again. And yes Miss Tiffany if you are reading this, my blog is very Christian. You want to know why?! Because I want it to be. Or really, I actually don't mean for it to be. It just is. Because it's who I am. It's what my life is.

My life isn't mine. It's God's. I don't live for me anymore. I live for my Papa God. Because he is amazing and I would not be here, I would not be who I am, I don't even know if I would be alive, if it weren't for him. That's right. I am darn proud of my faith. Not saying that people who don't shout it off their rooftops aren't proud of their faith, this is just who I am. Loud and in your face. Yup.

So again, off of my ramblings. Purposes. We have a purpose. What's your purpose? I have NO clue. You know who knows? Papa. He knows. Because he knows everything about you. Oh yeah. Everything. All the details. Freaky right? Not really. Because once you know he knows that. You have nothing to hide from him. Because you can't really. But that isn't even the point. The point is. Papa.

My purpose. Is to live for God. To worship him in my life. To have a worshipping lifestyle. I worship him through music and song. I worship him through my photography. [And that...is a whole other subject...which I talked about a little bit...but there is SO much more.]

We are a generation of change. [No I am not talking about Obama people...yeah...not even touching that subject...lol...people and their anti-christ theories...anyway.] We are in a generation of the most abortions, the most pain, the most depression, the most...almost everything. But we were born for a purpose. We are a generation that is on fire for God. Everything that Satan puts up against us...God brings back a hundred fold. Which I personally find SO very beautiful. Because God is always FOR us.

Honestly, I don't even know what I am getting at right now. I feel like rambling on and on about how amazing you are. Yeah, that's right. You! Whoever you are. Reading this. YOU ARE AMAZING! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are beautiful...or handsome in the case of a man...unless you don't mind being called beautiful. I can not even explain to you how much that your Papa God loves you. He FIERCLY loves you. He passionately, fiercly, and deeply loves you. Agape. Unconditional. 1 Corinthians 13. Replace Love for God. Because God is Love.

So yeah. I am just on a kick where I want everyone to know how wonderful they are. Because I have just been realizing how wonderful I am. And I am not even saying that in a conceited way. It's just how Papa sees me. And he sees you the same way.

Well, I just wanted you to know. I know this is random. And I don't even know what else to say. So I am going to end my ramblings right now.

God Bless.

Taking Chances On Dreams.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: To write.

So, there is nothing really particular on my mind right now. But dreams. I have some of the craziest dreams ever. Not like, I am sleeping and dreaming, kind of dreams. But the kind that you just think up. Like, oh, my dream is to be a singer. I want to be a firefighter. Or a police officer. Lately, I have realized that I am a big ol' dreamer.

Too many people these days lose sight of their dreams. When you are little, it is so easy to have a big dream. But then people and reality crush them. I always see little girls who just want to be princess'. But then someone tells them, "Oh honey. You aren't really a princess." Then you see the gleam in their eyes diminish. Because all they really wanted to be...was a princess. Or little boys who want to be super heros. Who run around in their capes and just want to save the world, because that is just what super heros do. But then they are told, "There is no such thing as a super hero! Grow UP! Be a man. Not a child." And that little sparkle. The one that you love to see, oh so much, is gone. And it makes me sad.

People dream. And those dreams are what created this country in the first place. Those dreams are what created everything that we have right now. Someone thought that they can do it. So they did. And to take that away from children is down right horrible. Yes, in reality there aren't really super heros. And in reality there aren't very many "real" princess'. But do you really want to see that sparkle go away. The one where it shows their hearts desires. That love in their eyes. The one that says, "HEY! I just want to know that I am important!" Everyone deserves to have a dream. Even if reality says that it just will never happen. Everyone deserves it. To have that desire. To have the sparkle in their eye. And I just love to dream.

I think I should be an entrepreneur. Or something. I have so many thoughts. So many crazy ideas. And they make me happy. To just think of it on the spot. To have this crazy dream to open my own shop and be creative. To maybe one day design my own wedding dress. To sing in front of an audience on a big stage. I have LOTS of dreams. And yes there are SO jumbled in my mind that I don't even know where to go with them. But it's SO much fun to think about. One of my favorite things to dream about is weddings, due to a friend of mine getting married soon.

I want to design my own dress. I want my colors to be dark purple and a light lime green. I want everything to be simple but elegant and maybe a little bit of modern vintage thrown in somewhere. I see myself in a beautiful hillside with a gorgeous backdrop and a cross behind us. With everyone important around me. You look one side and you see my family and friends, you look on the other side and you see my fiances family and his friends. And then just the pure love in our eyes when we say "I do." Then you go to the reception. Where everything will be translated beautifully. All of the namecards will be on cupcakes in a jar. And there will be this 2 maybe 3 layer cake as the wedding cake. We will have our first dance on a wooden dancefloor under the stars to the song, "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North. And everything will be perfect. Simple, elegant, and beautiful. It's my dream.

Or really, A dream. I have too many to count. And I think that everyone should dream. Everyone should take chances on their dreams. Because the moment you lose sight of your dreams. The moment you lose that sparkle. Is the moment that you lose yourself. Because it's your heart. Your dreams are in your heart. Your dreams come from your heart. And I just wish that everyone could just keep their dreams.

Keep that childlike quality to yourself. Because it keeps you alive. Be an adult, but be a child at heart.

Me personally. I love being a kid. I love Disney. And I love coloring in coloring books. I love bubble wands and playing outside. I love to play tether ball. And I love to just play with dogs. I love to sing silly songs and worship in the woods. I love staring at the stars and getting my breath taken away by the awesome expanse of beauty laid out before me. I love, love, and everything that love comes with. I love exploring God's creation and being astounded.

I love being a child. Because it helps me appreciate things more. To see things in a way that most don't see. And it's a shame because we all deserve to be able to do that. Don't let anyone take your youth away from you by saying, "Grow up! You need to see reality and what it is." The reality is, that you can still be an adult and make grown-up decisions and have a childs heart. It's probably one of the most beautiful things ever. The innocence in children. It makes me happy.

God Bless.

Family And Beliefs.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: To Vent?

Family. You love them. You leave them. You dislike them at moments. But they are always there. My family. Is CRAZY. That's right. Totally an completely insane. In a good way. However there is something that makes it hard for me to be a part of my family sometimes.

Beliefs. Oh, and faith.

Yes. I am going there.

I want to go to a school that could change my life forever. BUT, and this is a big BUT. My family doesn't think it's a good idea. Namely my mom, dad and older sister. Why? Because of their beliefs and their thoughts patterns. So right now. I am going to vent my frustrations about my family on my blog. Because I have to get it out. I tried but I feel like I need to write it fully and completely out.

My mom is a believer of God and believes that Christ died for our sins and is our savior. She believes that God can heal but has a religious spirit and fear working against her when it comes to me wanting to go to BSSM. She is also very much influenced by what people write about places that are complete and total lies. She went on Google and searched the school. And things that were written about it were less then impressive. Because people always have opinions and people don't understand the power of the Holy Spirit. So they call it a cult. And then she misread what the website said about the school thinking that it said that they give you powers. When they really help you grow in your faith and learn about the gifts that God has given you. And that is the religious thought. That it's a cult. When in reality it's the real, true, power of the Holy Spirit working. Satan doesn't like that. So things get said, and things get written and it's all a bunch of pooey. And then she has fear working through her. She doesn't want me to go because it is too far away and that she will never be able to see me. Total fear. But I need to grow. And take a step into the unknown.

My dad believes in God, and has had experiences where Jesus has literally saved him. But he also believes in reincarnation and different kinds of things from different religions. And he is influenced by my mom so whatever she thinks, he thinks. Because you know, they are married. And I guess you should agree on some things. But it would be nice if someone was on my side. Bleh. I love my dad, but sometimes...I don't know.

My older sister believes in God but doesn't believe that Jesus is our savior. Which was one of the hardest things for me to ever hear. Because I just couldn't imagine. And we have talked about it. And I have tried to argue. Which didn't get anywhere at all. And all that jazz. But she is also influenced by my mom so she doesn't want me to go either. She read the website and also misread it. Telling me that no school can give you powers, and that God is the only one who can give you gifts. Which I totally agree with but that isn't what the school is saying. And I love my older sister. But I don't know how to get across to her, but to just love. She told me she will never change her beliefs because she knows that it's the right thing. Which I respect her for. But I just worry.

And my younger sister is a teenager. And as a teenager she might believe in God and Jesus, but she won't say it because she wants to be cool. And according to teen law....if you are a Christian, you aren't cool. So she doesn't like me talking about God to her or around her because she likes her life and doesn't want to be convicted of her sins. So she puts me down about my faith saying I am acting all "holier then thou". When I am just trying to be a better me.

Then there is my grandma. I love her. And she believes in most everything I believe in but when someone tells her something she kind of gets swayed. SO when she hears negative things about what I am doing or what the youth group is doing or the school I want to go to. She thinks. And over thinks. And then maybe gets a negative mindset about it too. Even if it is all a lie. She tries not to take sides. But she doesn't want to step on anyones toes. And some day she will have to choose a side and not sit on the fence. Not that she needs to choose sides as in be on my side or theirs. But she has to know where she stands in her faith. Either all in or not in at all.

So there it is. My family. Their beliefs.

And my beliefs? I believe in my Papa God. And Jesus. And the Holy Spirit. And holy drunkenness. I believe in the baptism of fire and water. As in, the baptism of the Holy Spirit and water baptism. I believe that the lifestyle in the book of Acts in the Bible is the lifestyle we are supposed to live. Be proactive. Go and do. Not just sit and talk. And though I know that I am totally not the perfect Kingdom Citizen, I am doing what I can to better myself. And I just love God. I am head over heels in love with God. He is my provider and my father. He loves me with no contraints and treats me like a princess. He sets me up for sunsets to see and capture on camera. He does that for me. He calls me beautiful and lovely and his darling. And I love it. And my entire life, is no longer mine. It's not. I don't live for me. I live for God. And that's that.

So it's hard to be a part of a family that has different thoughts. Do I love them any less? No. Not one little bit. Because I do love them. I pray that they will come to the realization that life is more then what they think and that there is a God that is the God of all gods, the Lord of all lords who has the world in his hand. Who sent his son to die for our sins and to show us the lifestyle we are meant to live. I know it sounds like I was being kind of harsh about my family, it's just. Part of me doesn't know what to do. And the other part of me wants to just slap them in the face and tell them I am not stupid. I am not naiive about my Papa God. I am naiive about a lot of things. But when it comes to my relationship with God, I have learned to be wise. I am learning daily more and more about my Papa. And whatever he wants in my life I want.

So this is just me venting. It doesn't happen that often that I need to vent like this. But it had to happen eventually. I love my family. They mean the world to me. They are beautiful and loving people. Hilarious and silly. I don't know where I would be without my family. They have taught me so much. This one thing. However big it may be....has made it hard to be around them sometimes when they make little snide remarks about decisions I have made. Like giving up Harry Potter and Twilight because I believe it wasn't good for me. Now it's one thing after another, "Oh, I thought you couldn't watch Avatar because it's fantasy." But though we have different beliefs. I will always love them. And have faith that God will show them his true and pure love. The love that sent his son on the cross. The love that is the reason why I can stand here and say that I have a relationship with God. Not perfect. I am still learning and stumbling. But nonetheless, a relationship. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. They mean so much to me.

God Bless.

God's Art.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Subject: Photography.

So there are so many different passions in my life, but one of them, one that I love the most above almost all of them. Is photography. It makes me happy. I just want to travel the world and capture God's Art. Like, I am not joking. I am completely serious. The world. Is so darn beautiful. All of the paintings God has created. It makes me all excited because I just love picking up my little Coolpix Nikon camera and doing point-and-click photos. Of the sky. Of the trees. Of the river. Of the rail-road tracks. Anything and everything. I love it. The one thing I love the most about God's Art.....the sky. It is SO wonderful. SO beautiful. Every little detail. Like the clouds. Oh the clouds. How I love them. How I just look up and they are put together in this beautiful design that is nothing....but is everything all at the same time. My heart almost skips a beat whenever I see the beauty that God put there. For us! Can you imagine?! He created this beautiful Earth...FOR US! Everything was put here for us to discover. Nightly he paints us a portrait. With purples and pinks and oranges and reds....all mixing together so delicately and so perfectly. I love it.

Oh and goodness. I would love to be a wedding photographer. Because that would be SO beautiful. I love weddings. They make me happy. Pure. Beautiful love. Lately I have seen some wonderful pictures from just stumbling through websites. And they make me want to be a wedding photographer. To have to ability to capture the timeless love. And I am given amazing ideas on how to place things and all that jazz. Love. It makes me happy as well.

Now. All I need is a big ol' camera to do the job. And then learn how to use it. All I have right now is my little itty bitty camera. Which I LOVE. But I want one that has removable lenses and a million times zoom. And just all the bells and whistles! I declare that upon my life. The perfect camera to make my dreams come true. And the funding the travel the world taking pictures of art and weddings. I DECLARE IT AND CLAIM IT AS MY OWN!!! PAPA!!! GLORY! I loves you.

God Bless.

Change Is Good. Right?

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Subject: Change.

Have you ever realized in life how change is always the hardest thing? Like when you are a little kid and all you ever want is to just have friends and then your family moves. That change hurts. I have felt that hurt. I have experienced that. And now that I am an adult, it hasn't really changed all that much. I have an interview scheduled for BSSM May 28th @ 3pm. And it just hit me, that that means this is all real. That I didn't just apply to a school. I am now awaiting an interview to determine whether or not I am going to move away or not. Do I want to? Oh yeah. Will it hurt? More then you can even imagine.

Astoria. It's my home. The place I grew up. The place where I met all the people who now mean the world to me. My best friends. And my family. My entire life has been here. In this place. And just thinking about leaving...my heart aches. Because it would mean that I would have to experience that change once again. I know it's not a bad thing. It just isn't easy.

So many of the people I love still live here and will probably be here if and when I leave.

My family. My mom & dad. My sisters. And my Grandma. Wow. Leaving them behind will probably be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. They are my lifeline. We fought some crazy fights, got over addictions, and loved together. We started new lives and changed together. And my heart is always with them. I don't know if I will be able to say goodbye to them. I know I will cry many many tears, even after I am gone. My heart, might break just a little.

My friends. So very many of my favorite memories are with my friends. I am convinced that they are the reason I am standing here today. The reason I am who I am. They helped me through the roughest part of my life. And they still love me. There is one girl in particular who it might be the hardest to say goodbye to because I have had to say goodbye to her so many times before.

I have known her for most of my life living here in Astoria. She is probably one of the most beautiful women I know. Her heart for God shines through her. She isn't perfect, and she isn't around a lot. But I love her to pieces. She is my best friend. She has and always will be. No matter where we go in life, I know we will always be there for each other. We changed together. We helped each other. I have yelled at her. And she has just taken it. She has, I am sure, gotten upset at me more then a few times, but she still loves me just the same. It will be hard saying goodbye to her, because this time, it will be me leaving.

Riverpoint Youth. My greatest change happened in this place. My heart grew fond of my Papa God. I got over addictions and losses of childhood, and pain and heartaches in that place and with those people. They knew me at my lowest time in my life where I was ready to just give up on life. And they were my strength. I knew that the love I felt there the first time I ever went, was the love I had been looking for for so long. I changed the most there. I found God for real for the first time with those loving individuals who were there every step of the way. I honestly don't know where I would be or what I would be doing with my life if it wasn't for them. Leaving that place, although I know I will always be able to return, will be hard. They have been my support system for the past almost 2 years now. But I know you have to learn to stand on your own where you are leaning on God only.

So change is good right? And I know that all of this is just up in the air until I get accepted at the school. But this has been on my heart a lot. Leaving. Changing. And living. See the beauty and art of God in a completely new location where my photography will have to capture new images. I know that I am ready for a big life change. But it doesn't mean it won't hurt. Please keep me in your prayers. That Papa will provide me the funding to go to BSSM. I need provision in the name of Jesus!

God Bless.

In A...Place.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: To update.

So, I know I haven't updated very recently. So here is the gist of things. Life is good. I have avoided talking to my mom about Bethel in person due to not wanting to argue. I have officially applied to Bethel, just waiting for one more reccomendation to be sent in for them to make a date for an over-the-phone interview. And I am just...living. I also realized something...

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT OFFENDING PEOPLE WITH MY FAITH!

I used to just, not want to talk about my kingdom citizenship status. Because I knew that other people had different beliefs and I didn't want to offend them because they didn't believe what I believe. Now. I just don't care. I will talk about my life and love for God all I want to. And I don't care what people think or say.

Yep. Not a lot to say. Just, life is happening.

God Bless.

Between A Rock And A Hard Place.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Position: The title.

I am officially in a place that I never thought I would be in. How naiive. I want to go to Bethel. But my mom doesn't want me to. Why you may ask? Because of the negative things people have written that she has found on Google. It's like, what am I supposed to do? I know what God wants for me, and I am always going to choose God over my family. And I know that sounds harsh or crazy or something. But it says you will not put anyone above God, so I don't. Not even my family. I do however love my family dearly. Like they are right up there. Just not above. I appreciate my families concern. I just see no point in being concerned. I am not killing myself. I am going to an amazing school that will change me for the better. It's just hard.

I don't want to have my family think negative things about me, but at the same time, I don't really care what they think. It's like, I love my family. But I know what's right for me. I'm not making a mistake. I am not going to be "brainwashed" and I am not stupid. I know what I am doing. I know that God loves me and I know I still have a lot of learning to do. But I know in my heart where I am to go. I feel that I am meant to go to Bethel. In my heart of hearts. That it is right that I applied. And now, due to my family, it's like doubt and fear has crept in. I dislike it very much so.

God is my strength. He is my hope. And he is my future. And I just don't see how people can't see that. I don't know. I just am at a place where I have to fully and completely lean on God to give me strength and perseverence. Because this is going to be a tough fight. And there could potentially be plenty more blogs of me complaining. But I love God with every fiber of my being. He is my life.

God Bless.

Life Changing Choices.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: Change.

So, today I just feel like my heart is completely set on going to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I have decided that I am going to apply. And then it all goes into God's hands. If he wants me to move to Redding, CA. Then I will be accepted at the school. That is my theory and I am sticking to it. My mind is set. But my heart and mind are just going to have to get ready for the change.

I have lived in Astoria for so long, it's my home town. My family lives here and everyone I know lives here. It's going to be heartbreaking the moment I leave. Or the moment I realize that I am actually going to go. Because I will be leaving behind everything I know. Everything I love. I won't be able to just catch a 75 cent bus ride to go and visit my mom. I won't be able to go downstairs and visit my grandma. But I know change is good for me. As much as I will probably cry my eyes out, I know it's for the best that I embrace change. And that isn't the easiest thing to do. But I know that I can.

So here I am. On the edge of life. On the edge of a huge change in my life. Will things work out the way I think they will? I hope. But it's all in God's hands. He holds the world and is in control of my destiny. I have full faith and trust in him and know that whatever he has in the agenda called my life, will be good for me. Through thick and thin I will always have faith and trust in the God of the universe. The God who saved me from oblivion. My Papa who loves me with every single fiber of his being. The Papa who I love with everything that I have and everything I am. And I know God will always love me and be by my side no matter what I choose or where I go. I love you all.

God Bless.