The Future?

As a girl.

I dream.

I dream about my future so very often.

The other day I was with my mom and little sister, shopping at Safeway, when I saw a BRIDES magazine. [Mind you; I don't even have a boyfriend.] But I just love weddings. I think they are so beautiful. So I got myself to thinking even more about what I would want at my wedding.

An outdoor wedding would be lovely. But instead as a gazibo, as is shown in this picture, I would like a big, wooden cross behind me and my future husband.

Speaking of my future hubby. I cannot wait until God brings him to me. I have waited for so long. And I will continue waiting for him. Until Papa says it's time.

Then, I will be able to start my family.

Which is something I have always wanted.

Am I rambling?

Love.

Am I just being so girly right now? Haha.

Okay. Back on track.

I would love my colors to be Purple and Green.

Because purple is my favorite color.

Apparently purple is usually associated with nobility and spirituality.

That's pretty cool.

Green symbolizes growth, harmony, freshness and fertility.

That is something I did not know. But those are both very beautiful colors and amazing combinations.

My wedding dress.

Idealy, I would like to design my own dress.

But, if that can not happen. I would love a dress by the designer Maggie Sottero. She is kind of amazing.

I am seriously rambling right?

Going from one thing to another. Doesn't really give much of an idea of what I would want, right?

I am so weird.

But I am SO okay with that.

Maybe I should be a wedding designer?

Maybe not?

Just as long as me and my beloved are together, it almost really doesn't matter what my wedding is like.

Just to know that he will be by my side.

For the rest of my life.

Would be enough for me.

And that would make me happy...

But there is always one more part of the recipe.

This part, happens to be the most important part.

The Holy Spirit.

God is the center.

Always.

And in my future. He will be the center.

My husband and I...

Prayer warriors. Always in the presence of God. Because God is the most important part of every recipe. So very beautiful He is. So very perfect.

My future.

I don't know what it's going to be like.

But it will be forever.

Like a ring. It's circular. Everlasting.

Beautiful.

I am so blessed and so very loved.

God, I thank you for my dreams. And the love you have for me. Lord, I pray for my future husband. Papa, bless him. Teach him. Hold him in the storms he faces. Papa speak beautiful words to him. Cleanse him. Romance him. And show him your amazing glory. Papa, let him drown in your glory and presence. You are so amazing. I love you. Amen.

God Bless.

Breaking Points & Letting God Take Control

Today.

It's been rough.

Yesterday.

More so.

I have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately and I didn't really know what to do. I felt so out of control. Overwhelmed. At a breaking point. I just wanted to roll into a ball and cry. Yesterday a thought that crossed my head was how easy death would be compaired to life. Not that I would ever commit suicide. But the only thing I thought was, how I would much rather be in Heaven right now then be on Earth.

Then, while I was writing this update. I was going to just go on and on about how I can't handle life right now. And that living at my parents house is stretching me thin.

But then I realized...I just need to give everything to Papa. I just need to hand over all of my problems to God. Because He is in complete control. My life is in His hand. The King of Kings loves me. And I love Him! I need to just put all of my trust in Him.

If I just cling to the cross.

I know that everything will be fine. That while I may feel like I am stumbling in the dark. That Jesus is my guiding light. That if I just look upon Him, I will get through it. This is just a sea. A stormy sea, that Jesus will calm. I am inviting Him in. Onto the boat so He may calm the storm.

Just writing this down. I feel so much better.

God is in control. He is all over this problem.

And I totally know He will calm this.

I am so blessed to be loved by the God of the universe.

God Bless.

It's Been A While

Name: Kassy
Age: 21
Subject: Update

So, it's been a while since I have written anything on here. In fact I should have read my last blog to see how long it really has been. But I am just going to do a little updating.

I live at home. I have my own room now. I am MOD at my work. And I now am in possession of a laptop computer.

Is that good enough?

Well. I don't really know what else to say. I have kind of been a little more then a little stressed out lately. I work, constantly. And I have to deal with my family. And as much as I love both, it can get pretty stressful.

Work. Well, work is work. I do my job. I have to listen to drama. And I do it well. I try my hardest, however useless it seems. But I love my job. It's fun. I like...most...of the people I work with. And the rest, I deal with. I try to be as nice as possible. But sometimes...it's a little overwhelming and I feel like exploding. It's not even just my coworkers. Sometimes, having more responsibilities at work can be exhausting. Especially when it comes to dealing with customers. Complaints, obsessive projects, and wrong locations of sale signs. All turn into a big ordeal of why can't I have this sale, and if you don't give me it, I won't return. No, no one has ever actually told me that to my face, but I am sure that they think it.

Family. Well. They are...family. It's hard to deal with them sometimes. Well, ok. Mostly just my little sister and brother. My parents...are easy enough. It's just...I don't know. A lot to handle. Always feeling like I'm not good enough and if I act like myself, they will tear me to pieces. And when I say myself, I mean myself. As in my kingdom citizen self. As in my Jesus Loving Heart....self. But I deal. Or I do as good as I can.

Is life tough? Oh yeah. But I try my hardest. I haven't really been spending as much time with God as I usually do, and I think that is partly because...I am afraid. Getting too close. I don't really know. Once I get close, I back away. Is that normal?

I don't really know.

Eh. It's ok. Life will get better....I hope.

I have faith that it will.

Well, TA TA for now!

Kass

Honesty.

Name: Kassy
Age: 21
Subject: Honesty.

Honesty, is honestly really hard to come by these days. You can say you are being honest, but most of the time you like to sugar coat the truth just to make sure you don't hurt someone. Not saying you should come right out and hurt someones feelings by being harsh and insensitive, but seriously. Just think about it.

I have this friend. And she is pretty flippin awesome. Her name is Ashley. And me and her are ridiculously honest with each other. Like, straight up. If I say something she doesn't like, she will tell me. If I say something she doesn't like, she will tell me. We are super honest with each other. And I guess I got so used to me and her being like that, however it stopped for a while but at first it was that way, that when people aren't being straight forward...it kind of irritates me.

I have another friend. Who, for some reason wasn't being completely honest. Or just didn't want to say how he felt. To another friend. We were all asked to be somewhere and then we found out that we weren't there for what we thought we were. And well, this friend...you could tell...pretty much thought that it was a waste of time. Or that he had come for no reason. Which we did, but that isn't the point. He almost said it, but then backed down, left the room, and kind of brought it up with someone else. Not the person he had originally been talking to.

And that infuriated me. I was like, " HEY! Why don't you just say what you really think?" I kind of guess I don't understand. I suppose that there are times and places for the kind of straight forward honesty I am talking about, but to not say how you feel altogether? I don't know. I think I might care about this person too much. It's not really any of my business at all either. I guess I just wish that they would say what they think and feel.

Is that just a guy thing? Is this thing that I am going through just a girl thing? I don't really know. And I don't really know how I feel about it. I think I should just stop caring. Perhaps?

I think I just care about this person too much. How he feels, and what he thinks. Too darn much. Just thought I should vent a little. It helps. For reals.

I just wish people would say what they really feel and think without skating around the straight forward truth. It gets too confusing. Well, yeah. I'm done talking.

God Bless.

A New Chapter.

Name: Kassy.
Age: 21.
Subject: New Days.

I have officially moved into my moms house. After hours and hours of packing...and mostly cleaning....I am done and now living with my mom.

INSANE!

Oh, and when I say cleaning....I mean.....CLEANING! Insane, ridiculously INSANE cleaning. DEEP cleaning. SUPER deep cleaning. Goodness. Literally spent hours upon hours of cleaning. I did more cleaning then packing.

But I had so MUCH stuff. I gave away almost all of my furniture due to lack of space and not wanting to pay $85 for my cruddy furniture to be kept in storage...totally NOT worth it.

I am TIRED! But blessed. I love my Papa SO much.

But for now, I am done talking. I want to chill with the fam. I, hopefully, will be writing more. But for now....

God Bless.

Another Year.

Name: Kassy
Age: 21
Topic: Rejection.

So, all of you know...I applied at BSSM. Unfortunately I was...

DENIED

And you know. It's ok. I found out a while ago...but I just got to writing a new blog. At first I was hurt. Because my heart was set on going. But sometimes...God's plans just....overrule....yours. And I am okay with that.

So here I am. Another year in Astoria...or really....I guess I should put more updates...

I am moving out of my apartment still. Why you may ask? Because I can't afford my rent anymore. It has become too expensive. So...I am moving in with my mom. Whoopie!

Well, truly I am excited. Because I am blessed to have a family that will bring me in and let me save money for when I get to move out again...which may not be for another year. And I get to decorate a room! Which is exciting. Because it's going to look amazing! I am super psyched.

So, another year in my home town. Am I excited? Sure. Because apparently God wants me here still for some reason. Why? I honestly don't know. For reals. SO I am pretty much flying by the seat of my pants.

I was going to go on a tangent about rejection and how I feel rejected and ignored a lot...but then I realized that I would be pretty much just throwing myself a pity party. I do however want to talk about what I have been feeling lately...if you can handle it.

Lately...I feel like my emotions have been out of control. Like...crazy out of control. I have been oversensitive...and....excuse my french...super duper pissed off....A LOT! Especially today. I don't know why. Or how. Or even when. It's just like....I have been so upset lately. I don't know if it's because I feel ignored. Or not wanted around. Or what. But I have just been super upset. I don't know why. And really....that's mostly it.

I am done.

God Bless.

You Were Born For Such A Time As This.

Name: Kassy
Age: TWENTY-ONE!
Topic: Our Purpose.

So yeah. As of May 27th, I am now 21 years old. Not a really big thing really. Just another birthday. But still. I had a birthday. And it kind of feels weird to be "legal." Haha. I just decided that I wanted to ramble a little about my birthday. It wasn't huge. I didn't do a lot. But still, it was my birthday. Haha.

Back on topic. We were all born for a purpose. That's right. You weren't just an accident, you weren't a mistake. Well, okay, so maybe you were an accident. But you were an accident for a reason. I was an accident. But it doesn't mean I don't have a purpose. It doesn't mean that my purpose has changed just because I was born out of wedlock in an unexpected manner. As actually, most of us are. But yes my dear readers. We were all born for a purpose.

I have really been loving the song, "The Anthem" by Jake Hamilton. There is this one line that just gets me every single time. "I am royalty. I have destiny. I have been set free. I'm gonna shape history!" Yes yes. I am going Christian again. And yes Miss Tiffany if you are reading this, my blog is very Christian. You want to know why?! Because I want it to be. Or really, I actually don't mean for it to be. It just is. Because it's who I am. It's what my life is.

My life isn't mine. It's God's. I don't live for me anymore. I live for my Papa God. Because he is amazing and I would not be here, I would not be who I am, I don't even know if I would be alive, if it weren't for him. That's right. I am darn proud of my faith. Not saying that people who don't shout it off their rooftops aren't proud of their faith, this is just who I am. Loud and in your face. Yup.

So again, off of my ramblings. Purposes. We have a purpose. What's your purpose? I have NO clue. You know who knows? Papa. He knows. Because he knows everything about you. Oh yeah. Everything. All the details. Freaky right? Not really. Because once you know he knows that. You have nothing to hide from him. Because you can't really. But that isn't even the point. The point is. Papa.

My purpose. Is to live for God. To worship him in my life. To have a worshipping lifestyle. I worship him through music and song. I worship him through my photography. [And that...is a whole other subject...which I talked about a little bit...but there is SO much more.]

We are a generation of change. [No I am not talking about Obama people...yeah...not even touching that subject...lol...people and their anti-christ theories...anyway.] We are in a generation of the most abortions, the most pain, the most depression, the most...almost everything. But we were born for a purpose. We are a generation that is on fire for God. Everything that Satan puts up against us...God brings back a hundred fold. Which I personally find SO very beautiful. Because God is always FOR us.

Honestly, I don't even know what I am getting at right now. I feel like rambling on and on about how amazing you are. Yeah, that's right. You! Whoever you are. Reading this. YOU ARE AMAZING! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are beautiful...or handsome in the case of a man...unless you don't mind being called beautiful. I can not even explain to you how much that your Papa God loves you. He FIERCLY loves you. He passionately, fiercly, and deeply loves you. Agape. Unconditional. 1 Corinthians 13. Replace Love for God. Because God is Love.

So yeah. I am just on a kick where I want everyone to know how wonderful they are. Because I have just been realizing how wonderful I am. And I am not even saying that in a conceited way. It's just how Papa sees me. And he sees you the same way.

Well, I just wanted you to know. I know this is random. And I don't even know what else to say. So I am going to end my ramblings right now.

God Bless.

Taking Chances On Dreams.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: To write.

So, there is nothing really particular on my mind right now. But dreams. I have some of the craziest dreams ever. Not like, I am sleeping and dreaming, kind of dreams. But the kind that you just think up. Like, oh, my dream is to be a singer. I want to be a firefighter. Or a police officer. Lately, I have realized that I am a big ol' dreamer.

Too many people these days lose sight of their dreams. When you are little, it is so easy to have a big dream. But then people and reality crush them. I always see little girls who just want to be princess'. But then someone tells them, "Oh honey. You aren't really a princess." Then you see the gleam in their eyes diminish. Because all they really wanted to be...was a princess. Or little boys who want to be super heros. Who run around in their capes and just want to save the world, because that is just what super heros do. But then they are told, "There is no such thing as a super hero! Grow UP! Be a man. Not a child." And that little sparkle. The one that you love to see, oh so much, is gone. And it makes me sad.

People dream. And those dreams are what created this country in the first place. Those dreams are what created everything that we have right now. Someone thought that they can do it. So they did. And to take that away from children is down right horrible. Yes, in reality there aren't really super heros. And in reality there aren't very many "real" princess'. But do you really want to see that sparkle go away. The one where it shows their hearts desires. That love in their eyes. The one that says, "HEY! I just want to know that I am important!" Everyone deserves to have a dream. Even if reality says that it just will never happen. Everyone deserves it. To have that desire. To have the sparkle in their eye. And I just love to dream.

I think I should be an entrepreneur. Or something. I have so many thoughts. So many crazy ideas. And they make me happy. To just think of it on the spot. To have this crazy dream to open my own shop and be creative. To maybe one day design my own wedding dress. To sing in front of an audience on a big stage. I have LOTS of dreams. And yes there are SO jumbled in my mind that I don't even know where to go with them. But it's SO much fun to think about. One of my favorite things to dream about is weddings, due to a friend of mine getting married soon.

I want to design my own dress. I want my colors to be dark purple and a light lime green. I want everything to be simple but elegant and maybe a little bit of modern vintage thrown in somewhere. I see myself in a beautiful hillside with a gorgeous backdrop and a cross behind us. With everyone important around me. You look one side and you see my family and friends, you look on the other side and you see my fiances family and his friends. And then just the pure love in our eyes when we say "I do." Then you go to the reception. Where everything will be translated beautifully. All of the namecards will be on cupcakes in a jar. And there will be this 2 maybe 3 layer cake as the wedding cake. We will have our first dance on a wooden dancefloor under the stars to the song, "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North. And everything will be perfect. Simple, elegant, and beautiful. It's my dream.

Or really, A dream. I have too many to count. And I think that everyone should dream. Everyone should take chances on their dreams. Because the moment you lose sight of your dreams. The moment you lose that sparkle. Is the moment that you lose yourself. Because it's your heart. Your dreams are in your heart. Your dreams come from your heart. And I just wish that everyone could just keep their dreams.

Keep that childlike quality to yourself. Because it keeps you alive. Be an adult, but be a child at heart.

Me personally. I love being a kid. I love Disney. And I love coloring in coloring books. I love bubble wands and playing outside. I love to play tether ball. And I love to just play with dogs. I love to sing silly songs and worship in the woods. I love staring at the stars and getting my breath taken away by the awesome expanse of beauty laid out before me. I love, love, and everything that love comes with. I love exploring God's creation and being astounded.

I love being a child. Because it helps me appreciate things more. To see things in a way that most don't see. And it's a shame because we all deserve to be able to do that. Don't let anyone take your youth away from you by saying, "Grow up! You need to see reality and what it is." The reality is, that you can still be an adult and make grown-up decisions and have a childs heart. It's probably one of the most beautiful things ever. The innocence in children. It makes me happy.

God Bless.

Family And Beliefs.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: To Vent?

Family. You love them. You leave them. You dislike them at moments. But they are always there. My family. Is CRAZY. That's right. Totally an completely insane. In a good way. However there is something that makes it hard for me to be a part of my family sometimes.

Beliefs. Oh, and faith.

Yes. I am going there.

I want to go to a school that could change my life forever. BUT, and this is a big BUT. My family doesn't think it's a good idea. Namely my mom, dad and older sister. Why? Because of their beliefs and their thoughts patterns. So right now. I am going to vent my frustrations about my family on my blog. Because I have to get it out. I tried but I feel like I need to write it fully and completely out.

My mom is a believer of God and believes that Christ died for our sins and is our savior. She believes that God can heal but has a religious spirit and fear working against her when it comes to me wanting to go to BSSM. She is also very much influenced by what people write about places that are complete and total lies. She went on Google and searched the school. And things that were written about it were less then impressive. Because people always have opinions and people don't understand the power of the Holy Spirit. So they call it a cult. And then she misread what the website said about the school thinking that it said that they give you powers. When they really help you grow in your faith and learn about the gifts that God has given you. And that is the religious thought. That it's a cult. When in reality it's the real, true, power of the Holy Spirit working. Satan doesn't like that. So things get said, and things get written and it's all a bunch of pooey. And then she has fear working through her. She doesn't want me to go because it is too far away and that she will never be able to see me. Total fear. But I need to grow. And take a step into the unknown.

My dad believes in God, and has had experiences where Jesus has literally saved him. But he also believes in reincarnation and different kinds of things from different religions. And he is influenced by my mom so whatever she thinks, he thinks. Because you know, they are married. And I guess you should agree on some things. But it would be nice if someone was on my side. Bleh. I love my dad, but sometimes...I don't know.

My older sister believes in God but doesn't believe that Jesus is our savior. Which was one of the hardest things for me to ever hear. Because I just couldn't imagine. And we have talked about it. And I have tried to argue. Which didn't get anywhere at all. And all that jazz. But she is also influenced by my mom so she doesn't want me to go either. She read the website and also misread it. Telling me that no school can give you powers, and that God is the only one who can give you gifts. Which I totally agree with but that isn't what the school is saying. And I love my older sister. But I don't know how to get across to her, but to just love. She told me she will never change her beliefs because she knows that it's the right thing. Which I respect her for. But I just worry.

And my younger sister is a teenager. And as a teenager she might believe in God and Jesus, but she won't say it because she wants to be cool. And according to teen law....if you are a Christian, you aren't cool. So she doesn't like me talking about God to her or around her because she likes her life and doesn't want to be convicted of her sins. So she puts me down about my faith saying I am acting all "holier then thou". When I am just trying to be a better me.

Then there is my grandma. I love her. And she believes in most everything I believe in but when someone tells her something she kind of gets swayed. SO when she hears negative things about what I am doing or what the youth group is doing or the school I want to go to. She thinks. And over thinks. And then maybe gets a negative mindset about it too. Even if it is all a lie. She tries not to take sides. But she doesn't want to step on anyones toes. And some day she will have to choose a side and not sit on the fence. Not that she needs to choose sides as in be on my side or theirs. But she has to know where she stands in her faith. Either all in or not in at all.

So there it is. My family. Their beliefs.

And my beliefs? I believe in my Papa God. And Jesus. And the Holy Spirit. And holy drunkenness. I believe in the baptism of fire and water. As in, the baptism of the Holy Spirit and water baptism. I believe that the lifestyle in the book of Acts in the Bible is the lifestyle we are supposed to live. Be proactive. Go and do. Not just sit and talk. And though I know that I am totally not the perfect Kingdom Citizen, I am doing what I can to better myself. And I just love God. I am head over heels in love with God. He is my provider and my father. He loves me with no contraints and treats me like a princess. He sets me up for sunsets to see and capture on camera. He does that for me. He calls me beautiful and lovely and his darling. And I love it. And my entire life, is no longer mine. It's not. I don't live for me. I live for God. And that's that.

So it's hard to be a part of a family that has different thoughts. Do I love them any less? No. Not one little bit. Because I do love them. I pray that they will come to the realization that life is more then what they think and that there is a God that is the God of all gods, the Lord of all lords who has the world in his hand. Who sent his son to die for our sins and to show us the lifestyle we are meant to live. I know it sounds like I was being kind of harsh about my family, it's just. Part of me doesn't know what to do. And the other part of me wants to just slap them in the face and tell them I am not stupid. I am not naiive about my Papa God. I am naiive about a lot of things. But when it comes to my relationship with God, I have learned to be wise. I am learning daily more and more about my Papa. And whatever he wants in my life I want.

So this is just me venting. It doesn't happen that often that I need to vent like this. But it had to happen eventually. I love my family. They mean the world to me. They are beautiful and loving people. Hilarious and silly. I don't know where I would be without my family. They have taught me so much. This one thing. However big it may be....has made it hard to be around them sometimes when they make little snide remarks about decisions I have made. Like giving up Harry Potter and Twilight because I believe it wasn't good for me. Now it's one thing after another, "Oh, I thought you couldn't watch Avatar because it's fantasy." But though we have different beliefs. I will always love them. And have faith that God will show them his true and pure love. The love that sent his son on the cross. The love that is the reason why I can stand here and say that I have a relationship with God. Not perfect. I am still learning and stumbling. But nonetheless, a relationship. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. They mean so much to me.

God Bless.

God's Art.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Subject: Photography.

So there are so many different passions in my life, but one of them, one that I love the most above almost all of them. Is photography. It makes me happy. I just want to travel the world and capture God's Art. Like, I am not joking. I am completely serious. The world. Is so darn beautiful. All of the paintings God has created. It makes me all excited because I just love picking up my little Coolpix Nikon camera and doing point-and-click photos. Of the sky. Of the trees. Of the river. Of the rail-road tracks. Anything and everything. I love it. The one thing I love the most about God's Art.....the sky. It is SO wonderful. SO beautiful. Every little detail. Like the clouds. Oh the clouds. How I love them. How I just look up and they are put together in this beautiful design that is nothing....but is everything all at the same time. My heart almost skips a beat whenever I see the beauty that God put there. For us! Can you imagine?! He created this beautiful Earth...FOR US! Everything was put here for us to discover. Nightly he paints us a portrait. With purples and pinks and oranges and reds....all mixing together so delicately and so perfectly. I love it.

Oh and goodness. I would love to be a wedding photographer. Because that would be SO beautiful. I love weddings. They make me happy. Pure. Beautiful love. Lately I have seen some wonderful pictures from just stumbling through websites. And they make me want to be a wedding photographer. To have to ability to capture the timeless love. And I am given amazing ideas on how to place things and all that jazz. Love. It makes me happy as well.

Now. All I need is a big ol' camera to do the job. And then learn how to use it. All I have right now is my little itty bitty camera. Which I LOVE. But I want one that has removable lenses and a million times zoom. And just all the bells and whistles! I declare that upon my life. The perfect camera to make my dreams come true. And the funding the travel the world taking pictures of art and weddings. I DECLARE IT AND CLAIM IT AS MY OWN!!! PAPA!!! GLORY! I loves you.

God Bless.

Change Is Good. Right?

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Subject: Change.

Have you ever realized in life how change is always the hardest thing? Like when you are a little kid and all you ever want is to just have friends and then your family moves. That change hurts. I have felt that hurt. I have experienced that. And now that I am an adult, it hasn't really changed all that much. I have an interview scheduled for BSSM May 28th @ 3pm. And it just hit me, that that means this is all real. That I didn't just apply to a school. I am now awaiting an interview to determine whether or not I am going to move away or not. Do I want to? Oh yeah. Will it hurt? More then you can even imagine.

Astoria. It's my home. The place I grew up. The place where I met all the people who now mean the world to me. My best friends. And my family. My entire life has been here. In this place. And just thinking about leaving...my heart aches. Because it would mean that I would have to experience that change once again. I know it's not a bad thing. It just isn't easy.

So many of the people I love still live here and will probably be here if and when I leave.

My family. My mom & dad. My sisters. And my Grandma. Wow. Leaving them behind will probably be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. They are my lifeline. We fought some crazy fights, got over addictions, and loved together. We started new lives and changed together. And my heart is always with them. I don't know if I will be able to say goodbye to them. I know I will cry many many tears, even after I am gone. My heart, might break just a little.

My friends. So very many of my favorite memories are with my friends. I am convinced that they are the reason I am standing here today. The reason I am who I am. They helped me through the roughest part of my life. And they still love me. There is one girl in particular who it might be the hardest to say goodbye to because I have had to say goodbye to her so many times before.

I have known her for most of my life living here in Astoria. She is probably one of the most beautiful women I know. Her heart for God shines through her. She isn't perfect, and she isn't around a lot. But I love her to pieces. She is my best friend. She has and always will be. No matter where we go in life, I know we will always be there for each other. We changed together. We helped each other. I have yelled at her. And she has just taken it. She has, I am sure, gotten upset at me more then a few times, but she still loves me just the same. It will be hard saying goodbye to her, because this time, it will be me leaving.

Riverpoint Youth. My greatest change happened in this place. My heart grew fond of my Papa God. I got over addictions and losses of childhood, and pain and heartaches in that place and with those people. They knew me at my lowest time in my life where I was ready to just give up on life. And they were my strength. I knew that the love I felt there the first time I ever went, was the love I had been looking for for so long. I changed the most there. I found God for real for the first time with those loving individuals who were there every step of the way. I honestly don't know where I would be or what I would be doing with my life if it wasn't for them. Leaving that place, although I know I will always be able to return, will be hard. They have been my support system for the past almost 2 years now. But I know you have to learn to stand on your own where you are leaning on God only.

So change is good right? And I know that all of this is just up in the air until I get accepted at the school. But this has been on my heart a lot. Leaving. Changing. And living. See the beauty and art of God in a completely new location where my photography will have to capture new images. I know that I am ready for a big life change. But it doesn't mean it won't hurt. Please keep me in your prayers. That Papa will provide me the funding to go to BSSM. I need provision in the name of Jesus!

God Bless.

In A...Place.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: To update.

So, I know I haven't updated very recently. So here is the gist of things. Life is good. I have avoided talking to my mom about Bethel in person due to not wanting to argue. I have officially applied to Bethel, just waiting for one more reccomendation to be sent in for them to make a date for an over-the-phone interview. And I am just...living. I also realized something...

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT OFFENDING PEOPLE WITH MY FAITH!

I used to just, not want to talk about my kingdom citizenship status. Because I knew that other people had different beliefs and I didn't want to offend them because they didn't believe what I believe. Now. I just don't care. I will talk about my life and love for God all I want to. And I don't care what people think or say.

Yep. Not a lot to say. Just, life is happening.

God Bless.

Between A Rock And A Hard Place.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Position: The title.

I am officially in a place that I never thought I would be in. How naiive. I want to go to Bethel. But my mom doesn't want me to. Why you may ask? Because of the negative things people have written that she has found on Google. It's like, what am I supposed to do? I know what God wants for me, and I am always going to choose God over my family. And I know that sounds harsh or crazy or something. But it says you will not put anyone above God, so I don't. Not even my family. I do however love my family dearly. Like they are right up there. Just not above. I appreciate my families concern. I just see no point in being concerned. I am not killing myself. I am going to an amazing school that will change me for the better. It's just hard.

I don't want to have my family think negative things about me, but at the same time, I don't really care what they think. It's like, I love my family. But I know what's right for me. I'm not making a mistake. I am not going to be "brainwashed" and I am not stupid. I know what I am doing. I know that God loves me and I know I still have a lot of learning to do. But I know in my heart where I am to go. I feel that I am meant to go to Bethel. In my heart of hearts. That it is right that I applied. And now, due to my family, it's like doubt and fear has crept in. I dislike it very much so.

God is my strength. He is my hope. And he is my future. And I just don't see how people can't see that. I don't know. I just am at a place where I have to fully and completely lean on God to give me strength and perseverence. Because this is going to be a tough fight. And there could potentially be plenty more blogs of me complaining. But I love God with every fiber of my being. He is my life.

God Bless.

Life Changing Choices.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: Change.

So, today I just feel like my heart is completely set on going to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I have decided that I am going to apply. And then it all goes into God's hands. If he wants me to move to Redding, CA. Then I will be accepted at the school. That is my theory and I am sticking to it. My mind is set. But my heart and mind are just going to have to get ready for the change.

I have lived in Astoria for so long, it's my home town. My family lives here and everyone I know lives here. It's going to be heartbreaking the moment I leave. Or the moment I realize that I am actually going to go. Because I will be leaving behind everything I know. Everything I love. I won't be able to just catch a 75 cent bus ride to go and visit my mom. I won't be able to go downstairs and visit my grandma. But I know change is good for me. As much as I will probably cry my eyes out, I know it's for the best that I embrace change. And that isn't the easiest thing to do. But I know that I can.

So here I am. On the edge of life. On the edge of a huge change in my life. Will things work out the way I think they will? I hope. But it's all in God's hands. He holds the world and is in control of my destiny. I have full faith and trust in him and know that whatever he has in the agenda called my life, will be good for me. Through thick and thin I will always have faith and trust in the God of the universe. The God who saved me from oblivion. My Papa who loves me with every single fiber of his being. The Papa who I love with everything that I have and everything I am. And I know God will always love me and be by my side no matter what I choose or where I go. I love you all.

God Bless.

The Presence and Decisions.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Subject: Glory.

Oh my goodness. This weekend was amazing. I was surrounded by loving friends who I consider close family. And I met a lot of new very awesome people who I have fallen in love with and are now a part of my very large family. God's glory was just so thick this last weekend. His presence was tangible and beautiful. And I honestly don't have words that could ever describe the love I felt this weekend.

And now I have some big decisions. Big ol' life decisions:

One. I can move to Longview with my friend Heather. And we can be super amazing roommates with a super amazing apartment and it would be super cool. Because she is super cool and I love her. And talking about it was exciting and scary. We were just going to live together. And I was going to work. And it kind of would have been how it is right now. Except I would be leaving my entire support system in Astoria. Yes, I have some family in Longview. And I have made a few friends. But all of my friends. All of my family would be left in Astoria. Including my cat. Which sounds funny but she is my baby. And I would be leaving Riverpoint. Which would probably be one of the hardest things ever. If it wasn't for Riverpoint, I don't know where I would be right now. Okay.

Two. I can move to Redding, CA and go to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I have recently been told that in August, I can move with a family to Redding. I wouldn't have to pay too much rent and I would get meals for free. And I would get to be around God, like 24/7. I would kind of be required to. Haha. And I would be surrounded by people I love. Because so many of the people that I love the most live in Redding. And I would be learning how to deepen my relationship. I will be learning a lot about different aspects of everything. And I would become a stronger person altogether. But then again. I would be leaving my family. I would have a support system in Redding. A big and strong one. But I would still be leaving all my blood relatives. And I again would be leaving my cat. And Riverpoint.

Three. I could just stay here. Right here. In Astoria. Stuck in the life that I am living. I love my life. But I know there are bigger things for me then Astoria. I just know it. That I am meant to impact people. Lots and lots of people. And I impact some people here. But if I ever want to chase my dream of being a Worship/Christian recording artist. I can't stay in Astoria for the rest of my life.

It's a dilemma. That has recently occured. As in....today. I mean, only the Redding part. I really want to go. Like seriously want to go to Bethel. It would be such a blessing and life changing thing. I would grow so much in my faith and in myself in general. So really. It's not a dilemma. It's a decision. One that could change my life forever. It's just am I willing to take the plunge. Because all I want in my life is more of God. But am I willing to work for it.

So. Life. God, I need guidance. I only want your will in my life. I only want what you want in my life. Show me the way. Show me the direction you are taking me. I love you. Amen.

God Bless.

Revival in Astoria!

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Event: Revival Weekend!!!!

That's right! Revival. Last night Little John spoke in the Tussing's garage, where it all started, and it was INCREDIBLE! God moved so much last night. His presence was SO thick. Beautiful really. People getting touched and moved. I don't really know what to write right now. There is still a lot more of the weekend left. So I think I will update all yalls, if there is anyone reading, when the weekend is over. Because I know that God is going to move mightly. Because that is just how cool Papa is! :]

God Bless!!!

Giving It All In Worship.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Passion: Worshipping God.

I love to worship God. With every thing that I am, I give it up to God through worship. Whether it be worshipping through song, or through my photography. Or through dancing around like a maniac. I love to just express my love for Jesus through worship. To glorify and exalt him. And I realized the best kind of prayers are the kinds that you sing. Or when you are talking to God. I realized singing it out is just so amazing. And he LOVES it. He called it beautiful. It made me feel all bubbly inside. And made me want to dance around. Oh, and I totally got confirmation on something today!! Like, I have been waiting for confirmation on if I was prophetic singer. And he gave it to me today!!!! It made me laugh, and smile. And I had been waiting for someone else to tell me. And God told me that I don't need to only get confirmation from other people. That I should get it from him first. That he is the one who will show me!!! :] It made me happy. I thank Tiffany because she reminded me that I need to talk to God. And then listen. I need to be heard AND hear. And I realized, it's totally totally true. I used to have problems with doubting what I hear. But I know it's only Satan who wants me to think that. And I will no longer give Satan control of my thoughts. They are mine. And I control them. WOOT WOOT!!!!

Wow, that was a totally long rant. But God is just SO good. He makes me happy. He makes me want to dance. Earlier, I was feeling so alone. So sad. But then Tiffany told me that I am loved and that I need to spend personal time with God. And I did, even if it was for maybe an hour or so, and it made me feel so much better. I really really don't know what I would do with my Papa. Everything about me has changed. For so much the better. I am a JesusFreak. Now and forever. All my life I will love God and nothing and no one will ever be able to change that. I am lost in his heart and don't want to be found. I love him with all of me. Everything I am. All that I need I can find in him. Yay!!!

I just hope that, whoever reads this, can feel as much love as I do from God. Because God is SOOOOO good. For reals.

God Bless!!!

The Beginning of Something New.

Name: Kassy
Age: 20
Purpose: Letting go.
Title: Life: An Adventure of Epic Proportions

Where do I begin? Well, you might be wondering why the title of my blog is "Life: An Adventure of Epic Proportions". That answer is simple really; because when you have God in your life, everything is EPIC. Or another answer could simply be that I just overexaggerate. Which could also work just as well.

The reason behind me starting this blog was because I was inspired by my friend Chelsea who started her own as well. And I realized something. That I could just write stuff down and it wouldn't matter one way or another if anyone read it, but it could potentially be read anyway. And then, I realized that I could impact people. People from anywhere and everywhere. So I decided to write stuff down about my life.

I am a Christian. And yet again, stealing an idea from Chelsea, I am a relationship Christian. Someone who is in a relationship with God. Religion=Rules. Relationship=Love. Understand? My life is completely and totally for God. Whatever he wants in my life, I want in my life. Wherever he leads me, I will go. And whoever comes across my way, I will tell them that I am completely in LOVE with God. I don't hold back my faith and I don't hold back my love. That's just who I am.

So, read on if you want. This is Day 1. Just following whatever goes on in my life. An adventure of epic proportions. God Bless!